OH MYSTERIOUS HOLE (John Luke)
I been stepping on the cracks in the sidewalk
I been sneaking around the upstairs hall
I was at my sister's door
When the keyhole slurped me in
She was nailing up her hair
With a big steel pin
She was wearing a beard
With a big black grin, that said,
"Son--run!"
She opened up her tricky
And she gave an awful shout
She rolled up her arms
And turned herself inside out
Then she did the awful
Nicky-Nicky-Nicky all about--honest!
Oh! mysterious hole
What I saw what I saw what I saw
I been skipping all the cracks in the sidewalk
I been tapping my pencil in my two o'clock class
When the teacher got a tickle in her astronomy
She pulled down her map and I fell into the sea
I was captured by these cro magnon republican pygmies
Their brains were green like a glowing bowl of peas
They dragged me to the edge of their sacred latrine
And they threw me at the feet of their frigid queen
She said, "Son--stand up!"
Well, I couldn't stand straight and I forgot my history
I pulled her to the floor and bumped her stomach with my knee
She said, "Stay here forever, rule my kingdom with me
"The earth has been cursed by the gods' fury
"And one side'll burn and the other will freeze
"And it'll blow wide open spittin' molten cheese--
"And would you kindly tell the class what's so funny if you please"
I said, Oh, Miss brady it
Feels better than a tickle and it's better than a sneeze--honest!
Oh! mysterious hole
What I saw what I saw what I saw
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© 1981 Sarah Kernochan