John Luke:
My name is John Luke Von Malone
And I was born in a mobile home
Wasn't wanted, wasn't planned,
They spooned me out straight from the can
A hyperactive sugar-crazed
Accident from outerspace
And I'll be fine if I can just have
A sniff of that high test
I can handle the rest

Bonny:
My name is Bonny Boudreau
And I was born when Mom was at a drive-in show
She screamed and cursed and honked her horn
She'd been expecting a large popcorn
So she threw me in the trunk
And on the way home she ran over a skunk
She said, "Pee-yew, I better change the kid"
Dad thought she said "exchange the kid"
So they did
They got a parrot instead

Wayne: My name is Wayne
Wayne the Brain
When I was born the doctors said
"How did he get so big a head?"
They tested me and then they knew
I had enough I.Q. for two
I hope I can cope
I'll pretend I'm just a kid
and comb my hair over it
Such a pain, my big brain

Natalie Nan:
My name is Natalie Nan
I wasn't born, I was a transplant
Just what they prayed for
They asked God for a girl who was
Neat and clean, considerate
Accomplished and coordinated
Here I am, Natty Nan
Ta-ta-ta!

Henry:
My name is Henry--sorry
I was born--sorry
Sorry for breathing,
Sorry for being such a fool
They're gonna put me in a dog obedience school
Ow-oo! Ow-oo!